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Contrast Between YELLOW & RED FLAGS of Abusive Partners
Categories of Abuse
Red Flags of Abusive Behavior
Yellow Flags of Abuse
A need for the relationship to move quickly to next level.
▪ I don't want this date to end.
▪ Whatever your plans are for the rest of the week drop them cause I am taking you out.
▪ I'm all you need so let's start dating exclusively.
▪ We are so perfect together - why waste on time dating and not just move-in together or better yet get married.
▪ I can’t believe we just met yesterday but I feel like I have known you forever.
▪ Call me crazy but I think I am in love with you.
▪ I have never felt this way before with anyone else.
▪ I hate leaving you and I just want to spend every waking moment with you.
▪ You are exactly what I have been looking for to spend the rest of my life with you.
History of family abuse and stereotypical gender views
▪ I got smacked around growing up but that is how kids learn.
▪ The head of the household is in charge and needs to use any means to keep everyone in line.
▪ Sometimes my parents got into it - but who does not fight once in a while.
▪ When Mom got mad and tried to hit Dad it made us laugh cause she was half his size.
Pattern of violence against prior intimate partners without show of remorse or acceptance of any wrongdoings.
▪ My last partner constantly provoked me to the point I had no choice but to strike back.
▪ My exes never appreciated me and just refused to listen.
▪ It drove me insane when my ex constantly pushed all the wrong buttons until I would explode.
▪ My past relationships ended because each of my exes cheated on me where I could not trust them.
▪ You are nothing like my previous partner.
▪ I don't believe you would ever provoke me on purpose.
▪ I'm guilty of loving others too much which causes me to do silly things.
Lack of empathy
▪ Oh stop your whimpering already - or I will give you something to cry about.
▪ You're such a drama queen no wonder no one takes you seriously.
▪ Who cares what you want.
▪ I did not realize you are so sensitive about things.
▪ You're such a delicate flower which is why I love you so much.
▪ This hurt me more than you.
Excessive jealousy and
▪ Where the hell have you been and what were you doing that prevented you from answering my call?
▪ Don't you ever lie to me about where you are or with whom cause I always will find out.
▪ I need you to always tell me where you will be at all times.
▪ I better not find you meeting up with someone behind my back.
▪ I will kill you if I find out you ever cheated on me.
▪ You mean so much to me and I don't want anything bad happening to you when you are out without me.
▪ You had me so worried sick when you did not respond immediately to my text or call.
▪ Next time could you be a bit more considerate and just let me know that you are safe.
▪ I don't trust some of your friends you hang out with.
Verbal / emotional / mental abuse including gaslighting their partner.
▪ I cannot help it if you are too stupid to remember what I told you.
▪ Who really cares what you think or feel.
▪ Your opinion is worthless.
▪ You are lucky I still bother to put up with someone as pathetic and disgusting as you.
▪ I am the best thing that ever happened to you so don't you ever forget that!
▪ You are so adorable when you get upset.
▪ Aren't you lucky to have me around to always help you figure things out?
▪ I realize sometimes my expectations might be too high but I know you will do better next time to not disappoint me again.
Holding a double standard - being highly critical of others while claiming self-righteous perfection.
▪ My ex was a lazy, lying, cheating piece of work who got exactly what s/he deserved.
▪ No one crosses me unscathed.
▪ Don't worry I know you will try harder next time not to disappoint me.
▪ I realize not everyone is perfect but aren't you glad I am not most people?
Need for isolating partner from external supports (e.g., family, friends, coworkers)
▪ I don't like your family or friends because they are trying to break us up.
▪ No you cannot go unless I can go with you.
▪ Get off the phone and stop telling others about our private affairs.
▪ You better be home when I get back.
▪ Whenever you spend time with your family and friends we always end up fighting.
▪ Don't you think you are old enough to make your own decisions without consulting with others about your problems?
▪ You know I am always here for you to discuss things with.
▪ You got to learn to trust me as I am the only one who has your best interest in mind.
▪ Please cancel your plans I need us to have more one-on-one time to make our relationship stronger.
▪ I forbid you to go out looking like that.
▪ How dare you buy anything without checking with me first?
▪ You don't get to eat that given you're so fat and ugly.
▪ Would you mind changing as that outfit makes you look so sexy where I'm afraid someone will snatch you up.
▪ How about you just wear that around me cause it gets me hot.
▪ I think you should reconsider what you eat cause I need you to look attractive.
Blaming others for problems
▪ Why are you constantly trying to provoke me?
▪ You know what happens when you make me angry.
▪ Wow you are full of surprises to get that promotion at work.
▪ At my job bosses don't promote someone just on their looks.
Forcible confinement or restraining another person's movement in any way
▪ Don't you dare walk away from me when I am speaking with you!
▪ You better not leave this house while I am out.
▪ I can't trust you so you leave me no choice but to take your car keys, your wallet and phone so you stay put as told.
▪ I can’t have you leave feeling so upset.
▪ Please stay here with me until we work things out.
▪ It is better if I drive you so wait for me until I can come by to get you.
Threats of harm and injury to self and/or others
▪ If I can't have you no one will.
▪ The only way you will ever leave me is in a body bag.
▪ If you ever leave me I will find you and kill you and anyone else who comes between me and you.
▪ You better drop the charges against me or else.
▪ You mean the world to me and I hate myself for hurting you.
▪ You are the reason I get up every morning.
▪ Life would not be worth living if I ever lost you.
▪ I'm gonna kill myself if you don't come back to me.
▪ I'd rather die than live without you.
Monetary Control / Financial Abuse
▪ I am the sole breadwinner in this relationship and you will not have a career or work at a job.
▪ How dare you buy something without checking with me first.
▪ Your partner destroys or throws out something you bought.
▪ You are not allowed to have a bank account, credit cards in your name, nor are you listed as a co-owner on any joint assets (e.g., family home, car, business, etc.)
▪ You are given an allowance only when deemed worthy of it and must account for every nickel spent.
▪ You do not get a say on how any money can be spent or invested.
▪ I just want to take care of you so you don't have to work.
▪ We should consult one another before buying anything to avoid straying from the budget.
▪ It might be best if I just handled all of the household finances - that way you can focus all your time on other things that make you happy.
▪ Let me do all the shopping as I really have a knack for buying quality items at the best price.
▪ If you ever want to buy something just let me know and I will get it for you.
Monday, June 10, 2019
Friday, June 7, 2019
It just means you have a new opportunity to start anew and apply what you learned from your past mistakes to achieve your desired destination.
To help you get started on your recovery from compulsive gambling - please email us for information at email@example.com Or call us at: 1-888-626-7386 ext.143835 to schedule a confidential session.
Wednesday, November 7, 2018
|Breaking the Cycle of Addiction|
UNDERSTANDING THE SPECTRUM OF RECOVERY:
1.) AWARENESS STAGE: Individual suspects their compulsion to engage in a particular activity is increasing - but they do not recognize that their addiction is becoming a problem.
2.) DENIAL STAGE: Individual suspects their addiction is starting to take a toll on various areas of their life - but they remain convinced that they are in control over their behavior and that they could quit at anytime if they so choose or decide to stop.
3.) REALIZATION STAGE: Individual has recognized the negative impacts of their addiction - but they don't know what to do about it or how to stop.
4.) DEFIANT STAGE: Individual is aware that their particular addictive behavior is causing their life to spiral out of control - but they remain determined to "stay the course" with the expectation of yielding a different outcome.
5,) SURRENDER STAGE: Individual has hit "rock bottom" and is ready to seek out professional help from others.
6.) REHABILITATION STAGE: Individual commits to a recovery program, openly admits they have an addiction problem and in search of answers.
7.) RECOVERY STAGE: Individual gains the needed understanding of the underlying root cause to their addiction including learning how to heal their fractured subconscious.
8.) RESILIENCY STAGE: Individual who masters their recovery stage and also knows how not to allow any behavior from reverting into an addiction.
9.) RESILIENCY STAGE: Individual who masters their recovery stage and also knows how not to allow any behavior from reverting into an addiction.
Sunday, May 21, 2017
Spraying an air freshener or perfume or a scented chemical agent in the individual's immediate presence who is sensitive to the product will bring on the allergic reaction from inhalation of the airborne particles or from making direct contact with the agent through the skin. The membrane of the eyes is also a point of contact many fail to recognize as the membrane of the eye is permeable and absorbs the allergens present. This is the reason that an affected person experiences their eye lids to swell, their eyes start to burn, the whites of their eyes become bloodshot and eyes start to tear up during and following the exposure incident. Air born allergens also enter the person's various body cavities such as the nasal passage and through the mouth which explains the swelling and constriction of the breathing passage as well as profound swelling of the lips and tongue following exposure.
A deodorizing chemical solvent (e.g., odour eater or air freshener) is sprayed into the air at an office building and in or around the office space in the presence of the person. The individual with the scent sensitivity is directly exposed to the spray's chemical agents by inhaling the particles from the air and also absorbing the allergens through their skin, eyes, mouth, throat as particles settle on and around the person and on their personal effects. The person also continues to touch and use surface areas that are covered with the residue typically non-visible to the naked eye. Even after leaving the contaminated area with scents appears to be a wise solution is not sufficient to mitigate against continued exposure as the residue and the allergens of the chemical scents continue to be on and around the person resulting in further re-exposures referred to secondary re-exposures.
Separate from secondary re-exposure is also secondary exposure where chemical scents sprayed near or on surface areas in the person's absence still continue to pose a significant real risk of an allergic reaction to the individual at a later time who returns to the site and is exposed to the residue remaining in the air and also on surface areas.
- dizziness, light headedness
- loss of appetite
- upper respiratory symptoms
- shortness of breath
- difficulty with concentration
- skin irritation
Saturday, May 20, 2017
What we are referring to are persons who pretend to be someone they are not where they lure you in to their web of lies for no other reason but to bring your guard down so they can pounce when the moment is ideal to exploit you in ways that the average person could never have imagined.
Those individuals some call "catfish" where they assume someone else's identity to shield themselves under the rouse that they are this incredible person their victim has been longing to find all their life. Then they move in to the drama and enticing their victim to "rescue them" from some peril.
Don't believe you could be fooled? Hopefully you are correct and will recognize these on-line pariahs right off the bat. But unfortunately that type of belief is what gets the savviest and smartest persons in to trouble and before they know it they are in a deep emotional and financial fix by a masterful veteran catfish.
Before you get hooked line and sinker familiarize yourself with the common "Red Flags" and actively watch for the warning signs. But remember savvy cons have access to the same information as you do and they know how to "work" the cautionary signs to their advantage to throw you off their scent.
So how can one ever protect themselves against an emotional and financial predator?
The best advice RemedyBlox suggests for you to remember to keep you safe against on-line predators:
- Listen actively to your gut reaction - your intuition is a powerful gauge to letting you know something is "off".
- Ask questions and verify answers you are given.
- Trust should always be earned by actions not mere words.
- Practice saying "NO" without explaining - never be embarrassed for being proactive in protecting your emotional, physical and financial assets.
- Hold the will to walk away - don't ever allow yourself to be held hostage for any reason.
To learn more about how to protect yourself on-line contact us by email: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thursday, April 27, 2017
- Abused Partners Open to both Men and Women who endured abuse or are still being abused or assaulted physically, emotionally, sexually or financially by their partner in a current or past relationship.
- Accident Survivors - Aimed to help those who survived some form of traumatic life event (e.g., workplace accident or car accident or other life trauma) and who are looking to find a way to look beyond their pain and sense of loss.
- Compulsive / Addictive Personalities Recovering addicts or individuals concerned their habit, vice or compulsion (e.g., Compulsive Gambling) may be getting out of control, or anyone considering to quit or just looking to better manage their current behavior addiction or compulsions
- Couples in Turmoil Those trying to salvage a troubled relationship.
- Divorcees Men and women either going through a difficult divorce or looking to rebuild their life anew following a contentious divorce.
- Families in Distress Adults in turmoil or hurt by an abusive or toxic family member (e.g., a parent, sibling(s), in-laws, or their children.
- Seniors / Retirees Adults (60+ yrs) looking for advice and tools to increase their personal safety, mitigate against risks of exploitation and gaining fresh positive outlook in living life to the fullest post-retirement.
- Survivors of Crime Anyone who survived a physical, emotional, or sexual assault by a stranger or person they knew; including anyone feeling currently targeted or stalked by someone or being exploited in some other form.
- Widowers Adult men and women who lost their life partner and are struggling with the loss, grief, and loneliness, including those grappling with the uncertainty of dating or starting anew in another relationship.
In the interim we welcome your posts and comments relating to risk reduction and harm prevention best practices.
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