Excessive jealousy and Possessiveness. | ▪ Where the hell have you been and what were you doing that prevented you from answering my call? ▪ Don't you ever lie to me about where you are or with whom cause I always will find out. ▪ I need you to always tell me where you will be at all times. ▪ I better not find you meeting up with someone behind my back. ▪ I will kill you if I find out you ever cheated on me. | ▪ You mean so much to me and I don't want anything bad happening to you when you are out without me. ▪ You had me so worried sick when you did not respond immediately to my text or call. ▪ Next time could you be a bit more considerate and just let me know that you are safe. ▪ I don't trust some of your friends you hang out with. |
Verbal / emotional / mental abuse including gaslighting their partner. | ▪ I cannot help it if you are too stupid to remember what I told you. ▪ Who really cares what you think or feel. ▪ Your opinion is worthless. ▪ You are lucky I still bother to put up with someone as pathetic and disgusting as you. ▪ I am the best thing that ever happened to you so don't you ever forget that! | ▪ You are so adorable when you get upset. ▪ Aren't you lucky to have me around to always help you figure things out? ▪ I realize sometimes my expectations might be too high but I know you will do better next time to not disappoint me again. |
Holding a double standard - being highly critical of others while claiming self-righteous perfection. | ▪ My ex was a lazy, lying, cheating piece of work who got exactly what s/he deserved. ▪ No one crosses me unscathed. | ▪ Don't worry I know you will try harder next time not to disappoint me. ▪ I realize not everyone is perfect but aren't you glad I am not most people? |
Need for isolating partner from external supports (e.g., family, friends, coworkers) | ▪ I don't like your family or friends because they are trying to break us up. ▪ No you cannot go unless I can go with you. ▪ Get off the phone and stop telling others about our private affairs. ▪ You better be home when I get back. ▪ Whenever you spend time with your family and friends we always end up fighting. | ▪ Don't you think you are old enough to make your own decisions without consulting with others about your problems? ▪ You know I am always here for you to discuss things with. ▪ You got to learn to trust me as I am the only one who has your best interest in mind. ▪ Please cancel your plans I need us to have more one-on-one time to make our relationship stronger. |
Exercising control and holding rigid/unrealistic expectations.
| ▪ I forbid you to go out looking like that. ▪ How dare you buy anything without checking with me first? ▪ You don't get to eat that given you're so fat and ugly. | ▪ Would you mind changing as that outfit makes you look so sexy where I'm afraid someone will snatch you up. ▪ How about you just wear that around me cause it gets me hot. ▪ I think you should reconsider what you eat cause I need you to look attractive. |
Blaming others for problems | ▪ Why are you constantly trying to provoke me? ▪ You know what happens when you make me angry. | ▪ Wow you are full of surprises to get that promotion at work. ▪ At my job bosses don't promote someone just on their looks. |
Forcible confinement or restraining another person's movement in any way | ▪ Don't you dare walk away from me when I am speaking with you! ▪ You better not leave this house while I am out. ▪ I can't trust you so you leave me no choice but to take your car keys, your wallet and phone so you stay put as told. | ▪ I can’t have you leave feeling so upset. ▪ Please stay here with me until we work things out. ▪ It is better if I drive you so wait for me until I can come by to get you. |
Threats of harm and injury to self and/or others | ▪ If I can't have you no one will. ▪ The only way you will ever leave me is in a body bag. ▪ If you ever leave me I will find you and kill you and anyone else who comes between me and you. ▪ You better drop the charges against me or else. | ▪ You mean the world to me and I hate myself for hurting you. ▪ You are the reason I get up every morning. ▪ Life would not be worth living if I ever lost you. ▪ I'm gonna kill myself if you don't come back to me. ▪ I'd rather die than live without you. |
Monetary Control / Financial Abuse | ▪ I am the sole breadwinner in this relationship and you will not have a career or work at a job. ▪ How dare you buy something without checking with me first. ▪ Your partner destroys or throws out something you bought. ▪ You are not allowed to have a bank account, credit cards in your name, nor are you listed as a co-owner on any joint assets (e.g., family home, car, business, etc.) ▪ You are given an allowance only when deemed worthy of it and must account for every nickel spent. ▪ You do not get a say on how any money can be spent or invested. | ▪ I just want to take care of you so you don't have to work. ▪ We should consult one another before buying anything to avoid straying from the budget. ▪ It might be best if I just handled all of the household finances - that way you can focus all your time on other things that make you happy. ▪ Let me do all the shopping as I really have a knack for buying quality items at the best price. ▪ If you ever want to buy something just let me know and I will get it for you. |
